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Title: Ein Traum, Allein
Author: [livejournal.com profile] steinsgrrl
Fandom: Tokio Hotel (RPF)
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I in no way intend to insinuate that any of the below actually happened. It is simply a piece of written entertainment based on the public personas of real people.
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Adult Content
Summary: Natalie faces a long night alone in her hotel room...which is perfect for a little quality time with Bill.
Author's Note: Thanks to my husband for the pre-read and to my beta, [livejournal.com profile] ma_chelle.♥ Written for [livejournal.com profile] mmom 2010, day 27.

The trouble with being Bill Kaulitz’s best friend, Natalie decided, was simply being Bill Kaulitz’s best friend.

She could never be anything more.

She could shop with him at the most expensive, exclusive shops in Paris. She could spend hours going through fashion magazines with him while he cooed and squealed over this jacket and that bag. She could sit with him at the most popular dance clubs all over the world, slamming back shots and sipping at water just to keep up with the guys, but she could never be anything more than Bill Kaulitz’s makeup artist and ‘BFF’.

And for years, that was good enough for her. For years, to want anything else from Bill would have been not only immoral, but illegal. He had been just a kid when they met. He was a kid with dreams much bigger than the tiny town of Magdeburg could hold, and so he’d gotten them out of there. Others might claim it was the twins that did it; the twins might say they did it together, but everyone who knew them knew it was Bill.

Bill’s dreams drove them. Bill’s dreams took over his family’s day to day lives, took over their dinners and their after school time and their weekends, took over everything until they’d started to believe that Bill’s dreams had been theirs all along. And with all that energy put into the dream, all those people believing in it, Bill had launched them right out of Magdeburg and rocketed them into the world.

But Bill’s dream didn’t include having a girlfriend. As much as he talked about finding his One true love, Bill made no effort to find her.

It’s not that he didn’t meet girls. He met plenty. He met them at meet and greets, where they trembled in his presence and their voices shook as they told him they loved him. Or they screamed in his face out of sheer joy and fainted dead away at his feet. Yes, he met girls every day, but he never remembered them, and he never thought about them once the band had left the meet and greet area.

No matter what he said, Bill wasn’t interested in girls. Bill wasn’t interested in boys.

Bill was only interested in Tom.

And for Bill, that wasn’t a bad thing, considering Tom was really only interested in Bill. He puffed himself up and bragged about all the girls he’d had all over the world, always made it a point to mention how many cute girls had met them at the airport or were outside their hotel or at the venue, but when it came right down to it, the only person Tom saw was Bill.

They were infinitely for each other, as fitted together as yin and yang. There was no room for anyone between them and anyone who tried only just slightly upset their balance until they came together and squeezed the irritant out like a sliver that had invaded previously whole flesh. It did not belong; she did not belong; he did not belong. It could only be the twins. Always only the twins.

And besides, Natalie had Robert. Robert and their son, at home in Hamburg, waiting for her. She’d already been married when she got this job, she’d already had Lukas, and she loved them. Even though she spent months at a time on the road, even though she had these feelings for Bill, she loved her family. This was her job, she always told herself. It was her job to be a wife and mother, but also to be a makeup artist and best friend to one of the biggest rock stars to come out of Germany in, well, maybe ever. She couldn’t risk all that, losing everything, by coming on to Bill or trying to be something she couldn’t be; something he didn’t want.

Which was why Natalie found herself alone in her hotel room in the early evening with no one to talk to and nothing to do but entertain herself.

Tonight was a night off and the twins had ensconced themselves in Bill’s room, put a “Do Not Disturb” sign up on the door, and turned off their cell phones. That was a pretty damn good indication that there would be no going out tonight. So she ordered room service, the language on the menu tipping her off that they must be in Lisbon, and she ate in the company of the overly large television set into a blonde wood cabinet at the end of the bed.

She’d already called Robert, catching him just as he was getting Lukas into the bath, and chatted with him for a few minutes before he’d had to go deal with a wet, naked child escaping the tub and running through their apartment. She smiled as she hung up, her heart aching with the wish that she could be back at home, joining Robert in the chase.

She pushed the feeling away, shoving it down unceremoniously and clapping her palms down on her thighs with determination. She refused to let herself feel down just because she had a night in alone. This was a good thing; a break from the grind, the running to and from busses, dodging fan cameras and sitting, bored, in stuffy, over-heated back stage areas.

Perhaps a bath was in order for her, as well. They’d had concerts for the last four days in a row, and the schedule on concert day generally only allowed for a quick shower when she could steal one and a weary wash up at night before falling into an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar city. If they didn’t have to spend the night on the bus. A night like this could be special. A chance to pamper herself, shave and tweeze and luxuriate in the hottest bath water she could draw until her cares were steamed away and she could slide into bed and melt down into the sheets until morning.

Her mind made up, she gathered her toiletry bag from the one suitcase she’d brought in with her and spread the contents across the bathroom vanity, setting on the edge of the tub everything she might need in the bath. Grabbing a hair clip from the bag, she twisted her thick, blond hair up and pinned it at the top of her head. Then she turned the water on and tested the temperature after a moment, adjusting the tap until the water was as hot as she could stand. Turning the stream up nearly full blast, she added her lilac scented bath salts and went to find night clothes.

After laying the short, satin gown on the bed, new panties tossed next to them, Natalie went back to turn off the tap. She stripped, dropped her clothes into the corner of the bathroom and stepped carefully into the tub. The water was hot enough to make her hiss on contact, but she persevered, bringing the other foot in to the water and sinking slowly into the tub.

Once she was completely submerged, lying on her back with her head propped up on the back of the tub, she finally felt her muscles relax. A light steam rose around her, fragrant and damp, and she could feel the short, fine hairs at her hairline begin to curl on her forehead. She let out a long steady breath and just let herself soak.

No matter how she tried to still her mind, no matter how she tried to think of nothing outside these four walls, outside the confines of the white, porcelain tub, it just didn’t seem to be possible anymore. For someone who dedicated her days to, essentially, one person, making sure his clothes were perfect; his hair was gorgeous and perfect; his makeup was beautiful and perfect, Natalie found that no matter how she tried to turn it off, Bill was always there in her mind.

It was hard to touch him every day. Hard to run her fingers through his hair and not think about making the same gesture while squirming underneath him. Hard to smooth powder across his cheek and not think about touching him like that, her fingers trembling and light as she leaned in to kiss him. Hard to touch a brush to his lips, painting on the lightest of lip glosses and not think about how she’d love to run her tongue across that plump bottom lip and taste that gloss on him.

A moan escaped her throat and echoed off the tiled walls of the bathroom. She felt another sort of heat flushing her cheeks before she remembered that it didn’t matter if she made noise. There was no one here to hear her.

There was no one here to hear her, no one here to see her. She could do as she pleased and no one would be the wiser.

Her hands had been beside her, fanning the water back and forth just below the surface, and she brought one, dripping, to her face. The touch of her fingers on her lips was soft, so soft and gentle, just as she expected Bill’s touch would be. Her nails were nearly the same length as his, and lying here with her eyes closed, she could pretend. She could pretend anything.

Her lips parted and a finger dipped between them, just inside the bottom lip, slowly stroking back and forth across the pink flesh and Natalie caught her breath. Her tongue played with the finger tip, flicking it, circling it, and she pursed her lips around it with a gentle suck. Another finger joined that one as the fingers of her other hand found the soft plane of her belly. They slid over it, caressing, tauntingly straying further and further downward until it skimmed over the short strip of soft hair that crowned her womanhood.

She let her fingers tickle the hairs there, combing through the little strip as she suckled at her fingers, her tongue sliding between them and around them. She let her legs fall open and her thighs began to tingle, her groin electric, as she lightly, so lightly, ran her fingertips over the bare lips of her pussy. Just the slightest touch against her flesh, and she sucked her breath in and delved further. She could feel her clit begin to harden, begin to yearn for more, but she wasn’t ready for that yet. She wanted this touch to last.

Her nails scratched lightly against her skin, teasing, and her lips parted around her fingers, wet lips falling open as her fingertip parted the folds that guarded her center. She was wet, a different kind of slick and sweet inside there, her heat, hotter than her bathwater against her hand and she sucked in a breath as she inserted the tip. Just to the first knuckle, just a little, before pulling it out and running that finger up, between her folds, over tantalizingly soft skin, before just skimming it over her clit, hard and waiting for her attention.

Not her attention, Bill’s attention. Bill’s finger, Bill’s tongue.

She screwed her eyes closed and pictured him, his dark head ducked between her legs, as they lay spread out on her bed. His delicate hands gripping the outsides of her thighs, his morning stubble grazing the insides as they trembled in anticipation. She could feel his breath on her, puffing over her skin and she would have sworn she swelled toward him, toward his mouth.

The first touch of his soft tongue was tentative, just slow, careful licks, and Natalie sunk down in the tub until the water just reached her chin. Her whole body felt tight; the muscles of her legs clenched and straightened until her toes emerged from the water and curled on the cold porcelain of the tub edge. They began to tremble and Bill flicked his tongue against her harder, dipping down to taste her, the essence of Natalie, and she couldn’t help but squirm.

“Mm, Bill…” His name left her lips on a moan and she added a finger to the one thrusting inside her. Bill would fuck her with his tongue, wouldn’t he? He’d make it hard and pointy and he’d push it inside her as far as he could, so far that her breath would hitch and hold and she’d jerk her hips up to meet his thrust. He’d lick at her inside, wanting every bit of her, and Natalie fingered herself furiously, the water around her splashing and rolling with the movement of her arm.

And then Bill would look up at her from between her legs. He’d watch her, his eyes dark and full of need and want and he’d slip his fingers in where his tongue had been. He’d slide them in slowly, out slowly, teasing her, tormenting until she would beg and whimper and then he’d smirk at her. He’d smirk up at her, and eyes glinting, he slowly lower his head again. She’d throw her head back with a long cry as Bill’s lips descended on her clit again, sucking and pulling, tongue licking until it was everything she had not to squeeze his head between her thighs.

Her legs quivered as she moved the fingers she’d been sucking on to flick across her clit again and again, her other fingers curled inside her and thrusting, and just as the water might engulf her, dunk her under and drown her, Natalie came.

She came hard and long, her belly tightening, her mound pushing up as she pulsed around Bill’s fingers and under his tongue. A wash of come coated Bill’s fingertips as Natalie screwed herself down on them, grinding on them and moaning his name lowly. And then, as Natalie watched, Bill locked his eyes on her, slipped his fingers, shiny with her come, from inside her and sucked them deep into his mouth. His lips slid down to the last knuckle, tongue lapping, and Natalie forgot what breathing was.

And then he was gone.

She relaxed down, her muscles still tense but feeling more like jelly every moment as the water cooled around her.

As she opened her eyes, the disappointment hit her again. Just like last time. Just like the time before.

Bill wasn’t with her. Of course, he wasn’t. Bill, that Bill, the Bill that was hers and wanted her and wanted to be with her, could only live in her fantasy.

But, she thought, with a sigh and a ghost of a smile as she finished washing up, it was one hell of a fantasy.

Her fantasy was bittersweet, but she still felt much better about the night alone, and she pulled the plug on the tub. The evening was still young and she had a sexy nightie laid out, just waiting for her to slip it on. She was pretty sure her Bill would enjoy it.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 02:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] remy-jen.livejournal.com
Omg, I loved this waaaayyyyy too much. I love the Bill/Natalie dynamic you've caught here--with the attraction maybe one-sided or maybe just pushed to the back of their minds because they're both too professional to go there or maybe just because to Bill she's really just his BFF. Either way, I loved her fantasy, and the whole scene felt so vivid. I never thought I'd get so hot over a Natalie masturbation scene, but damn girl, *fans self*, that was hottttt!!! And not only that, but it was really unique, and that made it fun to read. One of my favorite MMOM fics, by far!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 03:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Ohh my, Jen. See, I'm still squeeing over your comment here. This is so, so wonderful to hear, especially since I was nervous about this. Thank you so, so much. You honestly made my night. ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 03:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angelica95.livejournal.com
OH
MEIN
GOTT
This was awesome!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 03:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Thank you! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 04:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hollie136.livejournal.com
Wow, move over Janni! If this is what's been occupying your creative muses, let them at it! Not a cock in sight, but damn, hot, hot, hot!

The build up, the climax (literally), just got me all wound up, but then this 'As she opened her eyes, the disappointment hit her again.' nearly broke my heart. Even though she's accepted the fact that Bill will be nothing more than a fantasy, I still really felt her let down that his affections could be nothing more than friendly.

So well done!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 05:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
YOU are my best cheerleader, Shell. Bless you for reading this, and I'm so pleased that you really liked it so much! I'm glad you ended up really feeling for Natalie. That's huge for me. Thank you again, honey, for all your support. ♥

(By the way, Fitz was trying to catch you online last night so she could say thank you for the card.)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 05:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hollie136.livejournal.com
*cartwheels* It's funny, I've always had this sort of aversion to Natalie (fangirl jealousy?), but reading something like this, really makes me feel sympathetic towards her and her situation. This puts her in a very nice perspective for me.

(I went to bed at 8:30 last night *reading Harry Potter*. I'm glad she got the card, though, and it didn't take a month and a half to get there. I mailed a cheque to you on Tuesday, for Linke's tunes, so you should get it early next week.)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 05:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Yeah, I've never been a big fan of Natalie's, either. Which makes me pretty proud of this, writing in such a sympathetic way. Idk if mine is fangirl jealousy, either. She doesn't do a great job with his makeup, though.


Your postal service is crazy. lol I will be looking for the check. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 06:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maria-d-edwards.livejournal.com
That was fabulous! Natalie had a better ending to her evening than she initially thought she would. Imagination is a wonderful thing and never lets you down :)
*Maria

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 12:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Thank you so much, honey! <3

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 11:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] paceus.livejournal.com
This is great! I've never read a Natalie fic before and I really like this.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 12:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Thank you! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 12:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peki.livejournal.com
Hmmm, I love me some het, and Bill/Natalie is such a guilty pleasure :) This was really hot, and the bittersweetness of it being just a fantasy didn't take away from that at all, in fact, I thought it only enhanced the sense of need that Natalie feels.

I really liked the way this dream of 'her' Bill belonged to her life on the road, to her rare moments of privacy. At home she has her husband and kid, but the life she leads is kind of a parallel universe to that and with it comes a totally different set of desires that is linked to the dream you talk about, Bill's dream that they all share. I really enjoyed that, it gave the whole thing such a feel of a fairytale fantasy.

If I may suggest one thing - I'm not sure about the title, is it meant to be 'A dream alone'? It's not quite clear, but I'd be happy to help out with the German if I can :) Hope it's okay to mention this, it's only a minor thing, but I was just wondering.

Very nicely done, and very sensual! I enjoyed it greatly, thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 12:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
One of my biggest worries about posting this was how the really good het writers would take it. I've written het so rarely that I'm very insecure about it. Your words really helped me feel better about the story and I thank you so much. That you enjoyed it so much thrills me no end!

Oh, and yes, ma'am, the title is supposed to translate to 'A dream alone'. Is the title wrong? I know online translators aren't always the best. Thank you for the offer! :)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 01:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peki.livejournal.com
Absolutely no reason to be insecure, this is lovely :)

Do you mean the title to say 'a dream alone' in the sense of 'only a dream' or in the sense of 'a dream, dreamed by Natalie alone'? If it's the former, then a good translation would be 'Nur ein Traum', if it's the latter, the construction doesn't quite work the way it does in English, but you could keep 'Ein Traum allein' (Traum with 'a', not 'ä'), maybe put a comma between, 'Ein Traum, allein'.

Without comma, it sounds sort of strange in German, because 'allein' doesn't usually go with a noun that describes a non-living entity like 'dream' (as in, a person can be 'allein', but a thing can't really, it sort of works like 'lonely' in English), but the way you're using it does sound kind of lyrical :) So yeah, you could do that, or you could use the comma, or you could make it 'I dream alone', which translates to 'Ich träum allein'.

Hope that wasn't obnoxiously teacher-like. It really didn't bother me, I just wanted to make a suggestion, but I always get carried away when it's language questions, I love puzzling out the best constructions :) A writer's curse.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-28 02:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Oh no, not obnoxiously teacher-like! I appreciate the help, truly. It is supposed to be more like the latter, so I will change it to Ein Traum, Allein. (Just capitalizing the A, as English do for titles. Do Germans not?)

Your explanation is really helpful. I've noticed that in German, there are commas where we wouldn't put them in English, so I've been a bit confused. My German is toddler stage at best, so. Thank you, Peki. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-29 01:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kseenaa.livejournal.com
Wow.... That was different. And damn, damn hot. Because I think there are many, many women having a Bill of there own. ;-) So yeah. Damn hot, and also a little bitter-sweet, since she shares his day every day. ;-) I liked it a lot.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-29 06:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Thank you! I hoped that people wouldn't take it as Mary Sue or some sort of self insert because I think, to be honest, it's hard to write from the female's POV in this fandom without people thinking that just because so many woman have a Bill of their own. I think I was able to make it not come off that way and I'm really proud of that. And I'm very glad you enjoyed it. Thank you again. :D

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-30 03:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kseenaa.livejournal.com
To true. Thats why I usually run far, far away from stories with OFCs... I have seen a few really good once where the writer makes it work and nicely so. Like you did here. :-) You should definitely feel proud over yourself!

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