Janni, NC17, Tom/Bill, 6/?

[steins_stories]

Title: Janni
Author: steinsgrrl
Fandom: Tokio Hotel
Pairing: Tom/Bill
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I in no way intend to insinuate that any of the below actually happened. It is simply a piece of written entertainment based on the public personas of real people.
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Twincest-not related, Adult Concepts, Light Kink
Summary: When two men meet and fall in love, they expect there will be bumps in the road. When one of those men has a daughter, some bumps can seem more like mountains.
Author's Note: Thank you so much to ma_chelle for the beta. You are invaluable. Lovely banner by lynnchan.


“Granma, can I have more peas, please?” Janni tapped her fork tines against the bare spot on her plate where a pile of fresh peas had been.

Simone nodded and passed the bowl to Tom’s outstretched hand. No way was Janni going to be able to dish more of the vegetable onto her plate by herself; the bowl was much too heavy, even having been dished from earlier. As he finished spooning more peas onto Janni’s plate, she began to dig in awkwardly with her fork.

“Janni, why don’t you use a spoon? It would be easier.” Simone held up the spoon that had been right next to Janni’s plate.

“Mm mn.” Janni shook her head and chewed quickly. She’d swallowed most of her mouthful, so Tom didn’t get after her for talking with food in her mouth when she replied to Simone. “Don’t want to.”

“Okay, fine. Do it the hard way.” Simone put the spoon down and picked up her own fork, stabbing a bite of meatloaf. “So what is this new job you have tomorrow?”

Tom swallowed the milk he’d been drinking and swirled his spoon through his mashed potatoes, making the gravy run in little channels, spilling out onto the plate. “It’s a book cover for a marketing manual.”

“That sounds…exciting.” Simone grimaced and moved Janni’s cup away from the edge of the table.

Tom pointed at her with his fork. “You know, I think that’s going to be the exciting part about it.”

“What’s that?” Simone’s eyebrows lifted and she looked confused.

“The subject matter is boring, right? But now I have the challenge of trying to make a cover that will draw people in, make them take a second and third look, and maybe buy it.” He scooped up the last of his potatoes with the meatloaf, stuffing the whole lot into his mouth.

Simone watched with amazement, her brows furrowed. “Tom. That’s disgusting. What are you teaching your daughter?”

Tom chewed his huge mouthful and glanced at Janni, his eyebrows raised in question. In answer, Janni poked her fingers into her peas and grabbed several, popping them into her mouth and grinning around them. Tom snorted and Janni giggled and Simone could only sigh.

There was a pause in the conversation and Tom felt the silence growing heavy. His mother was thinking. He knew she was. Hell, he’d known her his whole life; he knew when she was upset or tired, he knew all of her moods. And right now, she wanted to talk. And Tom had a pretty good idea what she wanted to talk about.

“Tom—“

Tom shook his head and glanced at Janni. Simone sighed heavily and took another bite. He really didn’t want to talk about this in front of his daughter. This was something he wanted to explain to her in his own time, in his own way.

As he took a long drink of milk, Janni tried to put her glass back on the table, clipped the edge of her plate and dumped the remainder of her meatloaf, covered in ketchup, and the rest of her peas down the front of her dress and all over the floor. She gasped and froze, her glass hovering over her plate.

“Oh, Janni, what the—“ Tom squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead.

“Uh oh.” Janni’s eyes were huge as they flicked back and forth from Tom to Simone. They started to fill with tears and Tom scraped his chair back, away from the table. Getting up, he reached over and took Janni’s glass from her and set it in the middle of the table.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. We’ll get it cleaned up.” Tom wrapped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her to him, careful to not get ketchup on his clothes. He kissed the side of her head and told her to hold still while he got her plate and brushed the excess food from her clothes onto it. As Janni climbed down from the chair and took her plate to the kitchen, dumping the spilled food into the garbage, Tom and Simone cleaned up the mess on the floor, Simone not saying a word.

Tom used a napkin to wipe the last of the ketchup from the floor. “Just let me get her to bed and we’ll talk.” He glanced at his mother, who rounded up peas that had rolled away from the table.

“Okay, just go. I’ll clean the rest of this up and clear the table.” Simone waved him off, and he called out to Janni to come upstairs.

~~~

The water was still running for Janni’s bath when she climbed into the tub, holding on to Tom’s shoulder to steady herself. Under the sink was a large bottle of bubble bath solution, and Tom uncapped it, pouring a thin stream under the running tap.

His mind wasn’t really on this. It wasn’t on bathing Janni, it wasn’t on talking to his mom, and it certainly wasn’t on ideas for the new project he’d taken on. He had only been able to think of Bill today. His memory kept playing back to last night when Tom had kissed him and the smile Bill had given him afterward. There was no doubt the man looked amazing, but on the darkened porch, Bill’s spicy scent all around him, the way Bill looked at him, his lips moving closer—

“Daddy!” Janni yelled, jerking Tom quickly into the present.

Janni pushed up the bottle Tom was holding, cutting off the stream that had been drizzling into the tub and it became obvious why she yelled. The girl had bubbles almost up to her nose. The water was getting deep and Tom lunged for the taps to turn the water off.

“Ugh, why didn’t you tell me sooner, little girl?” Tom capped the bottle and put it back in its spot under the sink before opening the linen closet and taking out a wash cloth, tossing it in the bath.

“You were giving me lots of bubbles.” Janni shrugged. At least Tom thought she did from the way the bubbles moved. He couldn’t actually see her shoulders under the mountain of pink foam that covered them.

“A little bit longer and you’d have had bubbles up to your eyeballs. Then what would you do?” Tom sat on the toilet, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“I’d swim in them!” Janni giggled as she propelled herself to the end of the tub then back to the other end, creating a wave that lapped water over the side and onto the floor.

Tom pursed his lips to keep from smiling. “Janni, quit. You’re getting the floor all wet.” He tossed a towel over the puddle Janni’d made. He scooped up the washcloth from the tub, rung it out and reached for Janni’s arm.

“No! I can do it myself.” Janni stuck her nose in the air and held her hand out for the cloth in Tom’s hand.

Tom’s eyebrows shot up but he handed her the cloth. “Janni, are you tired?”

“Nope.” She ran the cloth under the water and made it circle around her, grabbing it with her other hand. He could tell that she was just fighting sleep by the way her chin drooped periodically toward her chest.

“Look, you can play, but you have to clean yourself at the same time. You need to get done.” Tom reached into the bucket next to the tub and pulled out one of Janni’s mermaid dolls that was made for the bath and offered it to her. “How about this? Your mermaid looks like she could use a bath, too. You clean a part on her, then clean that part on you? Think that’ll work?”

Janni nodded, the bubbles she’d stacked on top of her head bobbing with the movement, and took the mermaid. She picked up the cloth and, as Tom watched, Janni went to work. Before long, both she and her mermaid were squeaky clean and Janni’s eyes were getting that glazed look that meant she’d be out like a light before long.

As Tom got Janni out of the tub and pulled the drain, he wondered if Bill would ever be able to deal with a child like this. He didn’t really seem like the kind of guy that would spend much time around children, but he had sat with Janni and colored when she’d obviously asked him to. Bill didn’t have to be Janni’s father, but Tom thought it would be best if he was at least comfortable around his daughter. He decided that he would ask Bill about it the next time they spoke.

Getting Janni into her nightgown and into bed was a little like dressing a ragdoll. Tom assumed she had played hard at daycare and worn herself out, and he did his best to brush her wet hair quickly and carefully, easing the snarls out before tucking her snugly between her sheets. Her eyes were closed before he could even make sure that Brownie was tucked under her arm, and he kissed her temple before turning off the light.

Simone had finished the dishes and was sitting on the couch, waiting for Tom to come down. She put her magazine down as soon as Tom’s foot hit the bottom step and he saw her, but he held up his finger, indicating she should wait, and went to get a soda from the kitchen.

Soda in hand, Tom sank into the wing-backed chair opposite the couch. Neither said anything, and Tom wasn’t really sure how to start. Why was it so hard just to explain himself? He wasn’t even sure why he had to explain himself, anyway. It was a shock to her, yes, but why couldn’t he just say that this is the way it is, deal with it. But he couldn’t do that to her. That wouldn’t be the most mature response, even if it was the one he immediately wanted to make. And truthfully, Tom owed her more than that. She was his mother. She birthed him, she watched over him and took care of him and loved him for all these years, and he’d kept this huge part of himself from her. If an explanation was what she wanted, that’s what she’d get.

“Well?” Simone crossed her legs and settled her back into the corner of the couch.

“Well, what?” Tom replied. “What do you want to know? And I’m not going into any details, Mom. Just so you know.”

Simone scrunched up her nose. “I don’t want any details, thanks. But I do want to know why this is something you thought you couldn’t tell me.”

Tom sighed and when he replied, his voice was softer. “I don’t know.” His gaze seemed to be stuck on his lap and he forced himself to look up at her. “No, that’s not true. I do know.” He took a drink of his soda and set the can on the side table. “It’s a scary thing for a kid to figure out they’re attracted to both sexes. Especially when there is so much hate out there and everyone tells you that it’s wrong, wrong, wrong to feel that way. It’s not something you want to go shouting from the rooftops.”

“Of course you don’t.” Simone said, sympathetically. “But I’m your mother. Didn’t you feel that you could trust me?”

“It isn’t that, really. Of course I could trust you. But you had so many things on your plate already, with Dad leaving and work and bills. If I didn’t have to be with men, if I could be just as happy dating girls, then why should I give you one more thing to worry about?” Tom blushed just talking about the idea of him dating men and he was sure that was part of the reason he hadn’t told his mother, too. “Besides, I knew you wouldn’t call me a sinner and throw me out of your house or anything, but I think I was afraid…”

Tom picked at the seam of his jeans, stalling for time because what he had been going to say made a lump grow in his throat and he was finding it hard to swallow.

“Afraid of what?” Simone shifted forward, sitting on the edge of the couch.

Tom looked up at her and blinked, swallowing hard. “I was afraid you’d be disappointed.”

“Oh, no.” Simone got up quickly and crossed the few steps it took to get to Tom and knelt on the floor in front of him, taking his head in her hands. “No, no, no; I’m not disappointed, Tomas. I’d only be disappointed if you didn’t do what made you happy.”

Tom’s eyes stung and blurred and he closed them, humming, and resting his forehead against his mother’s. He let out a shaky breath. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Simone kissed the top of his head and held her hands out. “Now help me up off this damn floor. I’m too old to be down here.”

Tom chuckled wetly and grasped her hands, steadying her and lifting her to her feet as he rose in front of her. As Tom released her, his phone began to ring and vibrate in his pocket, making them both startle. He reached for it, shrugging at his mother’s inquiring look. Checking out the caller I.D., he grinned at Simone.

Simone laughed and reached for her purse under the coffee table. “Go on. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She walked toward the door, throwing a wave behind her.

Tom hoped the caller would hear the smile in his voice as he flipped open his phone. “Hi, Bill.”

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