Janni, NC17, Tom/Bill, 16/?

[steins_stories]

Title: Janni
Author: steinsgrrl
Fandom: Tokio Hotel
Pairing: Tom/Bill
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I in no way intend to insinuate that any of the below actually happened. It is simply a piece of written entertainment based on the public personas of real people.
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Twincest-not related, Adult Concepts, Light Kink
Summary: When two men meet and fall in love, they expect there will be bumps in the road. When one of those men has a daughter, some bumps can seem more like mountains.
Author's Note: Thank you so much to ma_chelle for the beta. You are invaluable. Lovely banner by lynnchan.


Bill unconsciously rubbed small circles into the palm of Tom's hand with his thumb, and he decided it was now or never. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves and tried to keep his voice from trembling. “I think I have a solution to your problem.”

“Oh yeah? Well, I’d love to hear it, because I sure haven’t been able to figure anything out.” Tom sounded defeated and if there was a doubt in Bill’s head that this was a good idea, the tone of Tom's voice just vanquished it.

Bill wanted to sit on his hands to keep them from shaking, he wanted to be suave and cool about this, but there was no way he could. He had never done something like this before; never met anyone that he’d want to say this to, but there was a first time for everything, he figured. He squeezed Tom's hands in his. “I think we should live together.”

Tom stilled. “Live together.” His eyes grew wide and Bill scooted a little closer to him on the couch.

“Here. I should move in. I mean, so you don’t have to move if you don’t pick up a client right away. I—“ Bill rushed to say before cutting himself off. He felt like he had to explain himself because Tom was just…sitting there, but then he felt dumb for blurting all that out. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. “I’m sorry, you probably don’t want… I mean, it’s probably too soon, right?”

“No,” Tom assured him. “No, it was just unexpected. I just need to…” Tom rubbed a hand over his face. “I need to think about it for a bit, Bill.”

Bill supposed that was as good an answer as any at the moment. “Of course! Of course, you should think about it. I just…” Bill looked at their hands, clasped in his lap.

“It’s just that there’s more than just me to think about.” Tom glanced toward the stairs and Bill nodded, his face warming. “Hey.” Tom guided Bill’s face to his with two fingers under his chin, kissing him softly. “It’s not a bad suggestion, okay? Just give me a day or two.”

Bill nodded again. “Okay. But I think I’m going to leave you alone tonight to think about it.” He started to get up, but Tom still had his hand and pulled him back down.

“Why don’t you stay? You told Janni you’d be here in the morning, anyway.”

“I will. I’ll come back in the morning and take her to school. I just want to give you some time to yourself.” He kissed the palm of Tom's hand before standing and heading toward the door, Tom right behind him.

He realized, as he watched Bill slip on his shoes and grab his jacket, that he really didn’t want Bill to leave. He knew that he’d see him the next day but that didn’t mean there wasn’t an ache in his chest when he kissed him and watched him walk down the sidewalk to where his car was parked. Tom watched until Bill’s tail lights were out of sight and then closed the door with a sigh.

He performed his nightly routine of checking locks, making sure the oven was off and picking up toys before trudging up the stairs to his room. It had been such a long day, full of excitement and love and frustration and pain and he was so tired, there was no way he could even think about playing his guitar or doing anything but sleeping now.

On the way to his room, Tom peeked in on Janni. She was sound asleep, clutching Brownie, her long, blonde hair falling in fine strands over her cheek and Tom couldn’t help but smile. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for that little girl. No sacrifice he wouldn’t make, no chance he wouldn’t take.

But he didn’t want Bill to move in for the wrong reasons. He didn’t want Bill to move in because he had to. He wanted Bill to move in because he wanted to. Because they wanted to be together and couldn’t stand to be apart. Wasn’t that how it was supposed to be? And while Tom was finding himself needing to be with Bill more and more, thinking about him when he wasn’t there, wanting to talk to him about just everything, he wasn’t sure that Bill felt the same way. If he did, why had he waited until Tom was having a financial crisis before bringing the subject up?

He walked as quietly as he could to Janni’s bed, pulling the covers up over her shoulder and brushing the hair from her face.

It might be good for Janni, Tom thought, if Bill moved in. She seemed to adore him; she was always chatting at him, showing him her projects from school, trying to get him to play with her, and he did. Bill doted on Janni. He treated her so well, and for a man who had never really been around kids before, Bill seemed to be a natural with them. At least, with Janni.

Tom hated to think about it, it made him physically sick to think about it, but what if things didn’t work out between him and Bill? There was someone else they should both be thinking about. Janni was already close to Bill. What if he moved in and Janni got even closer to him? What if she loved him and treated him like another dad? And what if Bill left? Then what? Janni would be crushed, and Tom just didn’t know if he could take that kind of chance with her happiness.

He kissed her forehead, so lightly, and left her to her dreams, closing the door quietly behind him.

Tom's bedroom was dark and his bed was empty. He undressed quickly, anxious to get into bed and leave this day behind him, but as soon as he slid between the chilly, linen sheets it brought back memories of that morning.

What if Bill was here all the time? What if he could wake up every morning in Bill’s arms, in Bill’s warmth? His groin started to tighten as he thought about Bill’s soft skin pressed against him. His hands, beautiful fingers, touching him, teasing him…making him hard and—

He lay back and closed his eyes, picturing Bill next to him, picturing where his fingers would trail over Tom's body and he followed that trail with his own hand. His calloused fingers circled a hard, brown nipple, making it harder, making it peak and Tom started to breathe faster. He licked his finger and circled it again before trailing his fingers over his belly, now taut with the desire building inside. Short, blunt nails drew invisible abstract designs on his skin, giving him goosebumps and making his skin quiver.

Tom could feel his cock straining inside his boxers and he teased his fingers just under the waistband, almost thrusting up toward his hand. It had been a while since he’d done this, touched himself, but now he needed it. He wished Bill was really there with him, but until he could be, Tom would just have to pretend. He pictured Bill pulling his boxers down slowly, torturing him, tormenting him and Tom did his best to do it slowly, just like Bill would. The waistband finally cleared the head of his cock and when he pulled the shorts down further, his cock sprang back and bounced against his belly. It felt heavy and hot but Tom wouldn’t let himself take it in hand.

Slowly…slowly, he ran a single finger from the base to the tip, gasping as the rough pad skimmed over the sensitive spot just under the head. He gathered the precome from the tip and spread it around, smearing it under the rim and over that spot again until he couldn’t take it anymore.

He saw Bill lying next to him, nude and long and lean and Bill wrapped his fingers around Tom's cock and started pumping. Long strokes that got Tom going and made his knees flex and his thighs tense, and while he wanted to drag this out, Tom knew that there was no turning back now; he was going to jack it until he came and came hard.

Bill had a good rhythm going, fisting Tom’s cock close to the swollen head with short strokes, flicking his thumb over the tip and smearing precome as he went. Tom thrust into the tightness of his hand, his muscles clenched, his toes pointed and he saw Bill under him. He saw Bill with his hair spread out on Tom's pillow, his hands clenched on the headboard as he thrust up into Tom, looking so beautiful, so blissed out, Tom knew he was ready to come. And when he did, when Tom thrust into him hard and dragged his teeth against Bill’s neck, sucking in and marking him as his, Bill moaned deeply in his ear, “Coming….baby, I’m coming.”

And Tom did, too. He arched hard, clenched his cock in a tight fist and came deep inside the man he loved.

~~~

“Thank you, guys. Take care!” Bill called as Bob finished fastening Helen’s coat with gnarled, bent fingers and they headed out into the late afternoon chill. They’d only stayed a couple hours today, chatting with Bill and sipping on a beer and a cocktail, respectively, until it was time for their favorite program to come on television.

Now Bill was back to being bored again. The best part of his day, so far, had been that morning when he’d picked Janni up for school. She was just getting her shoes on when he’d come in and she grinned at him and tugged him down by his jacket until she could smack a wet kiss on his cheek and Bill didn’t stop smiling all the way to the school.

The only disappointment was that he hadn’t seen Tom. He’d been in the shower and they were late, so he didn’t go in to see Tom himself. Now he really wished he had. He was trying not to drive himself crazy by trying to figure out of Tom had made a decision about his idea.

Bill wanted this. He really wanted this. He hadn’t even known how much he wanted it until the words had come out of his mouth and he was sitting in front of Tom, nervous as hell about proposing such a thing only a few months into their relationship, scared to death that Tom would just say no. He knew it was early. He knew their relationship, their love was so new, but he felt this was right. Deep down, he felt that Tom was The One and with Tom was where he was supposed to be. This was right.

To his infinite relief, Tom hadn’t dismissed the idea out of hand. He said he’d think about it, and Bill almost wished he’d think about it a little faster and not keep him in such suspense. But Tom had to go at his own pace, figure things out and decide what was best for him and for Janni, and Bill had to respect that. Tom was a father first, and Janni deserved no less.

He wiped down the bar again, emptied the ashtrays that Helen and Bob had been using and replaced them with clean ones. Scanning the pub, he really couldn’t find much else that needed done. He’d cleaned the tables and chairs and even wiped down the lamp shades. He’d stocked the beer refrigerator under the bar, cleaned the taps and checked the soda machine levels. About the only thing there was left to do was stock the chips and bookwork.

Chips, it was, then. He hated bookwork.

Running back to the stockroom, Bill grabbed a large, cardboard box, filled with a variety of snack pack chips bags. It was unwieldy to get to the bar, just because of its size, but Bill’s arms were pretty long and he had a good grip on it. He dropped it where the bartender usually stood to serve drinks, plucked out a few kinds that were lacking in the rack above and started clipping them into place.

As he bent down to get a couple more bags, he heard the heavy, wooden door open and fall shut again, and he dropped the bags back into the carton, wiping his hands on the towel over his shoulder. He stood to greet his customer and his belly flipped.

Tom shuffled to the bar, his hands in his pockets, his lips set in a shy smile that took Bill’s breath away.

“Hi,” Tom's smile grew and he looked down as Bill answered him.

“Hi, yourself.” Bill leaned into the bar as best he could over hoses and bottles and glasses. “I wasn’t expecting you.” There was a buzzing in Bill’s head, a thousand voices yelling at him that Tom had made a decision. He took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down, willing himself to be patient.

He was never very good at being patient.

“So ,did you—“ Bill started, but Tom interrupted.

“I wasn’t really expecting me, either,” he laughed quietly. “I thought I needed more time, but it turns out I don’t.”

Bill’s heart felt like it would jump right out of his chest and he gripped the edge of the bar, whether to hold himself up or to hold himself down, to keep from running to the other side of the bar and anxiously shaking the answer out of Tom, Bill didn’t know. He held his breath and waited.

“So, um.” Tom shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. “I thought about what you said. I thought about it a lot. You know, we really haven’t been together that long—“

“A few months, I know. That doesn’t matter to me—“ Bill started to protest, but Tom held up a finger, wordlessly asking Bill to let him finish. Bill stopped and trapped his bottom lip with his teeth.

“It doesn’t matter to me, either. It seems like longer, though, doesn’t it?” Tom smiled then, his eyes holding Bill fondly and Bill couldn’t help but smile back. He nodded, though he didn’t think Tom was waiting for an answer. “Bill, this is so new to me. It was never like this with anyone before and I…um. God, it’s cheesy, but I can’t get enough.”

He started to pace, his head down. “I had a lot to consider. Whether this would be good for you. For me. But mostly for Janni.” He stopped and looked up at Bill, almost as if making certain that Bill was paying attention and understood what he was saying. “I have to protect her. Keep her safe, you know? That means keep her heart safe, too.”

Bill nodded again, murmuring quietly, “I know.” Butterflies were taking flight in his belly; he couldn’t tell if Tom’s speech would lead to something so good or something that was going to feel like a kick to the gut. He wanted a sip of water, his mouth gone dry, and he licked his lips.

“I thought about how attached she is to you, and how she’s only going to get more attached if you live with us. And what would happen if you left? That would tear her up.” Tom stopped across from Bill on the other side of the bar and faced him. “That would tear me up,” he whispered hoarsely.

“But,” he continued after a moment, rubbing his fingers thoughtfully along the edge of the bar in front of him, “then I realized something. I realized that I can’t live with fear. I can’t be afraid to do something that might make me happy, and Janni happy, just because there is some remote possibility that it might not go the way I planned. That we might end up sad. I’m not really living if I won’t take that chance, am I?”

Bill was sure his heart was lodged in his throat. “Tom—“

“So I got you something.” Tom slipped his hand back into his pocket and pulled it out, clenched in a loose fist. “Hold out your hand.”

Bill did. He held it out flat, palm side up and he watched it tremble, hoping that Tom wouldn’t notice.

And Tom didn’t seem to. He held Bill’s hand delicately from below and bent his head to plant a kiss on his moist palm. Tom opened his closed fist over Bill’s hand and wrapped Bill’s fingers around the object he’d dropped there before Bill could see it. He looked up from Bill’s white tipped fingers, dark brown eyes moist, and Bill’s chest burned where he held his breath.

“Open it.” Tom directed, taking a step back from the bar.

Bill watched his own fingers peel back from his palm like they belonged to someone else. There, in the middle of his hand, lay a shiny, silver house key.

“Come live with me.” Tom said, his voice husky and low, and then Bill was moving. He couldn’t get to the other side of the bar fast enough, and Tom must have felt the same way because they met at the end, Bill rounding the corner and wrapping his arms around Tom's neck, kissing him until they were breathless as his fingers clutched a tight fist around the key in his palm.

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