Janni, NC17, Tom/Bill, 4/?

[steins_stories]

Title: Janni
Author: steinsgrrl
Fandom: Tokio Hotel
Pairing: Tom/Bill
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I in no way intend to insinuate that any of the below actually happened. It is simply a piece of written entertainment based on the public personas of real people.
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Twincest-not related, Adult Concepts, Light Kink
Summary: When two men meet and fall in love, they expect there will be bumps in the road. When one of those men has a daughter, some bumps can seem more like mountains.
Author's Note: Thank you so much to ma_chelle for the beta. You are invaluable. Lovely banner by lynnchan.


Tom rifled through the shirts in his closet, pulling each one out to consider it before putting it back and scraping the hanger over to get to the next one. There had to be twenty shirts in there, but nothing seemed right and Tom’s adrenaline pumped up a little higher.

He didn’t remember the last time he’d been so nervous. He thought it must have been when he did his very first presentation at the advertising firm, and before that, the day of his wedding. He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly.

Less than ten minutes after he’d hung up the phone, it had occurred to Tom that he hadn’t been on a date in over five years. His glee had melted right out of him then as he wondered what the hell they’d even talk about? He couldn’t talk about Janni all night and he certainly couldn’t talk about work all night. His date would be so bored, he’d never call again.

“Daddy?” His thoughts were interrupted by the little voice that chirped from his doorway.

Tom swept his eyes over the clothes in front of him and grabbed a shirt at random. He pulled out the purple polo and came out of the closet, closing the door behind him.

“Hey little girl.” He smiled at Janni, pulled the shirt over his head and motioned for her to come in. Just as he sat on the bed, she scrambled up behind him and giggled, pouncing on his back.

“Whoa oh, back up there.” He plucked his fingers up the arms she had thrown around his neck and smooched her wrists, making big kissing sounds for each one. “Let me see those hands. I need to keep this shirt nice.”

“Like when you go to work?” She leaned over his shoulder to look at her father’s face.

“Yep, just like when I go to work. You look clean enough, though.” He made a show of inspecting every bit of her hands, in between her fingers and under her nails before pulling her over his shoulder. She squealed in surprise and laughed when she landed on Tom’s lap and he tickled her sides. He picked her up and tossed her lightly on his bed, where she bounced to a stop.

“I have to put my hair up, little girl.” Tom pulled a newly folded bandana from his top dresser drawer and stood in front of the mirror.

“It’s too late for work, Daddy; it’s dark outside. Where are you going?” Janni watched him from the bed, tracing the lines of the paisley comforter.

Tom stopped with his hands behind his head, his fingers in the middle of tying off the bandana. He hadn’t thought of what he would say to Janni about Bill, but he definitely thought she was too young to understand that they were going on a date. Tom wasn’t even sure that Janni knew what going on a date meant. He thought it was much better to keep it simple. He finished tying his bandana and turned to sit on the bed next to her to put on his shoes.

“I’m going to go out with a friend.” He tried to sound casual and hoped that Janni wouldn’t pick up on his nervousness. Tom had found that little kids were often very perceptive, especially when you didn’t want them to be.

“Oh.” Janni was quiet for a moment, thoughtful. She crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Does your friend have a little girl like me?”

Janni’s face was completely serious, and Tom stifled his laugh, “No honey, I don’t think my friend has a little girl like you. I don’t think he has a little girl at all.” He nuzzled his nose into her neck and blew a raspberry there.

Janni giggled and wiped at her neck. “Daddy!” she admonished. “When will you come home again?”

“After you are fast asleep, little girl.” Tom poked her lightly under her arms, making her twitch and snort but not let go of his neck. “Or at least, you’d better be!”

“Tom!” A woman’s voice called up the stairs, “I’m here!”

“Oh!” Tom looked at Janni with big eyes. “Gramma’s here! Should we go see her?”

Janni nodded gleefully. “Carry me downstairs,” Janni demanded, tightening her hold on his neck and wrapping her legs around his waist.

“Ugh, fine.” Tom grunted, smiling, and stood up with Janni clinging to him. He turned off the lights on the way out and shut the door behind him.

They made their way down the stairs, Tom clomping down them and making Janni laugh and bounce on his back the whole way.

“Tom Kaulitz,” Simone stood with one hand on her hip. “She’s gonna end up getting hurt that way,” she scolded.

“She’s fine. Aren’t you, Janni girl?” Tom squatted down and Janni slid from his back to stand on the floor. “Go see Gramma while I finish getting ready.”

Janni skipped over to Simone, and Tom left her happily babbling about a million different things while Simone nodded her head and smiled, trying to keep up with her enthusiastic granddaughter. Finally, as Tom came back from fetching a hoodie, Simone sent Janni off to get crayons and as many coloring books as she could find.

Tom could feel the question before Simone even opened her mouth and he sat at the kitchen table and waited for her to get around to asking.

“So, Tom,” she started, turning her back to him to pour a cup of coffee, “a date, huh? I didn’t even realize you’d met someone.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry about that.” Tom hadn’t told her about Bill because he didn’t quite know what to say to her. How do you tell your mother that you’ve been hiding such a large part of yourself from her for so many years? How is she supposed to react to that? He didn’t even really know how she felt about bisexuals and homosexuals; it wasn’t something he’d talked with her about, for fear that he’d reveal himself when it wasn’t necessary. Now, though, he had no choice; he had to tell her and he cursed himself for leaving it to the last minute. “So Mom, about this date…”

Simone stirred the creamer into the coffee and turned around, sipping the hot brew carefully. “What about it?”

Tom pulled on his zipper tab, not quite able to meet her eyes yet as he tried to work out the right words to say what he needed to say. “I think I should tell you now, before--”

The doorbell rang and Janni thundered down the stairs, threw her crayons and coloring books on the table and was at the door before Tom could even stand up. “I got it! I got it, Daddy!”

“Janni, wait a sec--” Tom stopped as Janni opened the door.

Bill stood on the threshold, his finger poised to push the doorbell again. He looked down at Janni and smiled. “Well, hello. Is your daddy home?”

“My name is Janni.” Tom could only stare as Janni introduced herself.

Bill was breathtaking. He looked sleek, dressed in dark jeans and a black, gauzy shirt, and his hair, left loose, looked fluffy and soft, his bangs falling in his eyes so he’d have to brush them away. He had eyeliner on like the first time Tom had seen him at the pub, but he’d added mascara and a light slick of lip gloss in clearest pink and Tom could barely drag his eyes away from him.

“It’s good to meet you, Janni. My name is Bill.” He held out a hand for her to shake and she stuffed her little hand into his much larger one, shaking it dramatically while Bill met Tom’s eyes over Janni’s head. His smile was radiant, his eyes crinkling with mirth and Tom couldn’t have felt more relieved. He wasn’t sure how he expected Bill to feel about Janni, but seeing him interact just this little bit with her was encouraging.

“Are you Daddy’s friend?” Janni pulled her hand from Bill’s and clasped her hands together behind her back, her neck craned up to look at Bill.

Bill smiled shyly at Tom and Simone. “I think so, yes.”

Tom put a hand on Janni’s shoulder. “Don’t you think we should introduce Bill to your grandma?” He nudged Janni to stand back and let Bill in. “Bill, this is Simone, my mother,” he gestured, “and Simone, this is Bill.”

Simone stepped forward with a tense smile and shook Bill’s hand. “Good to meet you, Bill,” she murmured.

“I’m glad to meet you, too, Simone,” Bill inclined his head.

And there they stood, surveying each other, Tom looking back and forth at each of them while the awkward silence grew deeper. He didn’t know what to say and decided that getting out of there right away might be the best thing to do. He opened his mouth to suggest it, but a little voice piped up first.

“Um…” As the adults looked down, Janni cocked her head, her brows furrowed. “Are you a boy or a girl? Bill is a funny name for a girl.”

Tom and Simone gasped. “Janine Kaulitz!” Tom admonished, blushing. “That’s very rude. You apologize right now.” Tom’s voice was stern, a scowl on his face.

“Sorry,” Janni mumbled, frowning.

Bill chuckled. “It’s okay; sometimes grown-ups ask me the same thing.” He squatted down so she could talk to him without straining her neck. “Maybe it’s hard to tell, but I’m a boy.”

Janni stared at him. “But you wear makeup like a girl; how come?”

Bill shrugged. “I don’t know. I just like to, I guess. Do you like it?”

Simone squeezed Tom’s shoulder. “Can I talk to you in the living room, please?” she murmured in his ear. He nodded absently at her and she passed in front of him to leave the kitchen.

Tom excused himself just as Janni was asking Bill if she could touch his hair.

Simone was waiting for him by the couch when he got to the living room. “I keep trying to think of a way to ask you what the hell is going on but there really doesn‘t seem to be a way to ask politely, so I’ll just ask you straight out; you’re dating a man?”

Tom sighed. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about before he got here.” He sat on the edge of the wing back chair and sat forward with his elbows on his knees. Simone sat across from him, her eyes searching his face. The longer she was silent, the more his stomach clenched.

He couldn’t stand it any longer and he was keeping Bill waiting. “I don‘t know what you want to know.”

Simone leaned toward him, pushing her short, auburn curls away from her face with an unsteady hand. “God, I don’t know, Tom. How about, when did you become gay?” Her voice was high, almost as unsteady as her hands, and he recognized the desperation in it. He dropped his head and winced before looking back at her.

“You don’t just become gay, Mom,” he protested, chewing at his lip.

She waved her hand, “You know what I mean.”

Of course, Tom knew what she meant. He also knew he was evading the real issue and he knew he’d have to talk. He didn’t even know why he was dragging it out except that it was such an uncomfortable thing to have to talk to your mother about; who you want to sleep with. What kind of plumbing you prefer on your date. Why should it even matter? But it did; it always did, and he decided there was no point in skirting the issue any longer. “I like both. Men and women. It doesn’t matter to me,” he said quickly, looking away.

“Since when?” Simone breathed.

“Since always. Since as far back as I can remember, I guess.” He stood quickly and crossed his arms. “I’m sorry I’ve never told you about it; there just didn’t seem to be a reason.”

“Well, no, I never would have suspected.” Simone looked up at him from the couch. “You always dated girls. And then there was Nikki-”

“Can we just skip all the analyzing for right now?” Tom glanced toward the kitchen. “Bill is here to pick me up and we’re being rude. Can we talk about this another time?”

Simone stared for a moment before sighing, “You’re right; we’re being rude. But…” she stood and held Tom’s wrist, “you will talk to me another time, right?” She tilted her head and gave him the look that always turned his insides to jelly when he was little and in trouble.

Tom smiled at her, wryly, and wound an arm around her shoulders. “I promise.” He squeezed her arm and dropped a kiss on the top of her head.

Simone poked him in the belly and he grunted, covering the spot with his free hand. “This is a crappy way to come out to your mom; you know that, don’t you?”

Tom laughed and turned them toward the kitchen. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry you had to find out like this.”

They walked toward the kitchen, arm in arm, and found Bill sitting on the floor with Janni, her coloring books scattered around them. Looking up from the picture that was open on his lap, he put the orange-red crayon back into the large crayon box and stood up, brushing colored shavings off his pants and shirt.

“Everything okay?” he asked Tom quietly when Simone had gone back to the kitchen to retrieve her coffee.

“Yeah,” Tom smiled and squatted down near Janni, “everything is just fine. Let me just help get these to the table and we can go.” Tom started to gather the coloring books as Janni gathered up the loose crayons and took them to the kitchen table.

Janni scrambled up onto the chair and sat on her knees, pulling one of the coloring books closer. She opened it up and found the kitten picture she’d been coloring. Before she could reach for the crayon box, Tom held his arms out to her. “I’m going now. Give me hugs, little girl?”

Jumping up to her feet, Janni threw her arms around Tom’s neck, squeezing him hard. He grunted and squeezed her back. “There we go,” he kissed her temple. “Be good for grandma, okay? I’ll come see you when I get home.”

“Okay, Daddy.” Janni plopped back down to her knees. “I’ll find a picture to color for you, okay?” she told him, already searching through the pages for the perfect one.

“Sounds good, honey.” Tom squeezed her shoulder lightly and turned to Simone. “I won’t be very late.”

She nodded, her eyes holding his as if searching for something there, and Tom tried to reassure her with a smile. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Bill stood at the doorway of the kitchen and Tom gestured to him, “Ready?” Bill nodded and smiled but stopped Tom as they got to the door.

“You know, I don’t want to cause any problems. Are you sure you want to do this?” Bill leaned close to him, lips right next to Tom’s ear and warm breath ghosted over his skin, ruffling his fine hairs there. Tom’s belly swirled and goosebumps trickled down his back.

It took him a moment to be able to speak, but he blew a breath out and breathed in Bill‘s scent, all vanilla and spice and man. “Oh yes,” Tom tried not to groan, “I want to do this.”

Bill pulled back and smiled, “Good. Me, too.” He opened the door and as Tom walked through the door, he felt Bill’s hand, warm and strong on the small of his back.

Next