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Janni



Title: Janni
Author: [livejournal.com profile] steinsgrrl
Fandom: Tokio Hotel
Pairing: Tom/Bill
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I in no way intend to insinuate that any of the below actually happened. It is simply a piece of written entertainment based on the public personas of real people.
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Twincest-not related, Adult Concepts, Light Kink
Summary: When two men meet and fall in love, they expect there will be bumps in the road. When one of those men has a daughter, some bumps can seem more like mountains.
Author's Note: Thank you so much to [livejournal.com profile] ma_chelle for the beta. You are invaluable. Lovely banner by [livejournal.com profile] lynnchan.


Tom rifled through the shirts in his closet, pulling each one out to consider it before putting it back and scraping the hanger over to get to the next one. There had to be twenty shirts in there, but nothing seemed right and Tom’s adrenaline pumped up a little higher.

He didn’t remember the last time he’d been so nervous. He thought it must have been when he did his very first presentation at the advertising firm, and before that, the day of his wedding. He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly.

Less than ten minutes after he’d hung up the phone, it had occurred to Tom that he hadn’t been on a date in over five years. His glee had melted right out of him then as he wondered what the hell they’d even talk about? He couldn’t talk about Janni all night and he certainly couldn’t talk about work all night. His date would be so bored, he’d never call again.

“Daddy?” His thoughts were interrupted by the little voice that chirped from his doorway.

Tom swept his eyes over the clothes in front of him and grabbed a shirt at random. He pulled out the purple polo and came out of the closet, closing the door behind him.

“Hey little girl.” He smiled at Janni, pulled the shirt over his head and motioned for her to come in. Just as he sat on the bed, she scrambled up behind him and giggled, pouncing on his back.

“Whoa oh, back up there.” He plucked his fingers up the arms she had thrown around his neck and smooched her wrists, making big kissing sounds for each one. “Let me see those hands. I need to keep this shirt nice.”

“Like when you go to work?” She leaned over his shoulder to look at her father’s face.

“Yep, just like when I go to work. You look clean enough, though.” He made a show of inspecting every bit of her hands, in between her fingers and under her nails before pulling her over his shoulder. She squealed in surprise and laughed when she landed on Tom’s lap and he tickled her sides. He picked her up and tossed her lightly on his bed, where she bounced to a stop.

“I have to put my hair up, little girl.” Tom pulled a newly folded bandana from his top dresser drawer and stood in front of the mirror.

“It’s too late for work, Daddy; it’s dark outside. Where are you going?” Janni watched him from the bed, tracing the lines of the paisley comforter.

Tom stopped with his hands behind his head, his fingers in the middle of tying off the bandana. He hadn’t thought of what he would say to Janni about Bill, but he definitely thought she was too young to understand that they were going on a date. Tom wasn’t even sure that Janni knew what going on a date meant. He thought it was much better to keep it simple. He finished tying his bandana and turned to sit on the bed next to her to put on his shoes.

“I’m going to go out with a friend.” He tried to sound casual and hoped that Janni wouldn’t pick up on his nervousness. Tom had found that little kids were often very perceptive, especially when you didn’t want them to be.

“Oh.” Janni was quiet for a moment, thoughtful. She crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Does your friend have a little girl like me?”

Janni’s face was completely serious, and Tom stifled his laugh, “No honey, I don’t think my friend has a little girl like you. I don’t think he has a little girl at all.” He nuzzled his nose into her neck and blew a raspberry there.

Janni giggled and wiped at her neck. “Daddy!” she admonished. “When will you come home again?”

“After you are fast asleep, little girl.” Tom poked her lightly under her arms, making her twitch and snort but not let go of his neck. “Or at least, you’d better be!”

“Tom!” A woman’s voice called up the stairs, “I’m here!”

“Oh!” Tom looked at Janni with big eyes. “Gramma’s here! Should we go see her?”

Janni nodded gleefully. “Carry me downstairs,” Janni demanded, tightening her hold on his neck and wrapping her legs around his waist.

“Ugh, fine.” Tom grunted, smiling, and stood up with Janni clinging to him. He turned off the lights on the way out and shut the door behind him.

They made their way down the stairs, Tom clomping down them and making Janni laugh and bounce on his back the whole way.

“Tom Kaulitz,” Simone stood with one hand on her hip. “She’s gonna end up getting hurt that way,” she scolded.

“She’s fine. Aren’t you, Janni girl?” Tom squatted down and Janni slid from his back to stand on the floor. “Go see Gramma while I finish getting ready.”

Janni skipped over to Simone, and Tom left her happily babbling about a million different things while Simone nodded her head and smiled, trying to keep up with her enthusiastic granddaughter. Finally, as Tom came back from fetching a hoodie, Simone sent Janni off to get crayons and as many coloring books as she could find.

Tom could feel the question before Simone even opened her mouth and he sat at the kitchen table and waited for her to get around to asking.

“So, Tom,” she started, turning her back to him to pour a cup of coffee, “a date, huh? I didn’t even realize you’d met someone.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry about that.” Tom hadn’t told her about Bill because he didn’t quite know what to say to her. How do you tell your mother that you’ve been hiding such a large part of yourself from her for so many years? How is she supposed to react to that? He didn’t even really know how she felt about bisexuals and homosexuals; it wasn’t something he’d talked with her about, for fear that he’d reveal himself when it wasn’t necessary. Now, though, he had no choice; he had to tell her and he cursed himself for leaving it to the last minute. “So Mom, about this date…”

Simone stirred the creamer into the coffee and turned around, sipping the hot brew carefully. “What about it?”

Tom pulled on his zipper tab, not quite able to meet her eyes yet as he tried to work out the right words to say what he needed to say. “I think I should tell you now, before--”

The doorbell rang and Janni thundered down the stairs, threw her crayons and coloring books on the table and was at the door before Tom could even stand up. “I got it! I got it, Daddy!”

“Janni, wait a sec--” Tom stopped as Janni opened the door.

Bill stood on the threshold, his finger poised to push the doorbell again. He looked down at Janni and smiled. “Well, hello. Is your daddy home?”

“My name is Janni.” Tom could only stare as Janni introduced herself.

Bill was breathtaking. He looked sleek, dressed in dark jeans and a black, gauzy shirt, and his hair, left loose, looked fluffy and soft, his bangs falling in his eyes so he’d have to brush them away. He had eyeliner on like the first time Tom had seen him at the pub, but he’d added mascara and a light slick of lip gloss in clearest pink and Tom could barely drag his eyes away from him.

“It’s good to meet you, Janni. My name is Bill.” He held out a hand for her to shake and she stuffed her little hand into his much larger one, shaking it dramatically while Bill met Tom’s eyes over Janni’s head. His smile was radiant, his eyes crinkling with mirth and Tom couldn’t have felt more relieved. He wasn’t sure how he expected Bill to feel about Janni, but seeing him interact just this little bit with her was encouraging.

“Are you Daddy’s friend?” Janni pulled her hand from Bill’s and clasped her hands together behind her back, her neck craned up to look at Bill.

Bill smiled shyly at Tom and Simone. “I think so, yes.”

Tom put a hand on Janni’s shoulder. “Don’t you think we should introduce Bill to your grandma?” He nudged Janni to stand back and let Bill in. “Bill, this is Simone, my mother,” he gestured, “and Simone, this is Bill.”

Simone stepped forward with a tense smile and shook Bill’s hand. “Good to meet you, Bill,” she murmured.

“I’m glad to meet you, too, Simone,” Bill inclined his head.

And there they stood, surveying each other, Tom looking back and forth at each of them while the awkward silence grew deeper. He didn’t know what to say and decided that getting out of there right away might be the best thing to do. He opened his mouth to suggest it, but a little voice piped up first.

“Um…” As the adults looked down, Janni cocked her head, her brows furrowed. “Are you a boy or a girl? Bill is a funny name for a girl.”

Tom and Simone gasped. “Janine Kaulitz!” Tom admonished, blushing. “That’s very rude. You apologize right now.” Tom’s voice was stern, a scowl on his face.

“Sorry,” Janni mumbled, frowning.

Bill chuckled. “It’s okay; sometimes grown-ups ask me the same thing.” He squatted down so she could talk to him without straining her neck. “Maybe it’s hard to tell, but I’m a boy.”

Janni stared at him. “But you wear makeup like a girl; how come?”

Bill shrugged. “I don’t know. I just like to, I guess. Do you like it?”

Simone squeezed Tom’s shoulder. “Can I talk to you in the living room, please?” she murmured in his ear. He nodded absently at her and she passed in front of him to leave the kitchen.

Tom excused himself just as Janni was asking Bill if she could touch his hair.

Simone was waiting for him by the couch when he got to the living room. “I keep trying to think of a way to ask you what the hell is going on but there really doesn‘t seem to be a way to ask politely, so I’ll just ask you straight out; you’re dating a man?”

Tom sighed. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about before he got here.” He sat on the edge of the wing back chair and sat forward with his elbows on his knees. Simone sat across from him, her eyes searching his face. The longer she was silent, the more his stomach clenched.

He couldn’t stand it any longer and he was keeping Bill waiting. “I don‘t know what you want to know.”

Simone leaned toward him, pushing her short, auburn curls away from her face with an unsteady hand. “God, I don’t know, Tom. How about, when did you become gay?” Her voice was high, almost as unsteady as her hands, and he recognized the desperation in it. He dropped his head and winced before looking back at her.

“You don’t just become gay, Mom,” he protested, chewing at his lip.

She waved her hand, “You know what I mean.”

Of course, Tom knew what she meant. He also knew he was evading the real issue and he knew he’d have to talk. He didn’t even know why he was dragging it out except that it was such an uncomfortable thing to have to talk to your mother about; who you want to sleep with. What kind of plumbing you prefer on your date. Why should it even matter? But it did; it always did, and he decided there was no point in skirting the issue any longer. “I like both. Men and women. It doesn’t matter to me,” he said quickly, looking away.

“Since when?” Simone breathed.

“Since always. Since as far back as I can remember, I guess.” He stood quickly and crossed his arms. “I’m sorry I’ve never told you about it; there just didn’t seem to be a reason.”

“Well, no, I never would have suspected.” Simone looked up at him from the couch. “You always dated girls. And then there was Nikki-”

“Can we just skip all the analyzing for right now?” Tom glanced toward the kitchen. “Bill is here to pick me up and we’re being rude. Can we talk about this another time?”

Simone stared for a moment before sighing, “You’re right; we’re being rude. But…” she stood and held Tom’s wrist, “you will talk to me another time, right?” She tilted her head and gave him the look that always turned his insides to jelly when he was little and in trouble.

Tom smiled at her, wryly, and wound an arm around her shoulders. “I promise.” He squeezed her arm and dropped a kiss on the top of her head.

Simone poked him in the belly and he grunted, covering the spot with his free hand. “This is a crappy way to come out to your mom; you know that, don’t you?”

Tom laughed and turned them toward the kitchen. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry you had to find out like this.”

They walked toward the kitchen, arm in arm, and found Bill sitting on the floor with Janni, her coloring books scattered around them. Looking up from the picture that was open on his lap, he put the orange-red crayon back into the large crayon box and stood up, brushing colored shavings off his pants and shirt.

“Everything okay?” he asked Tom quietly when Simone had gone back to the kitchen to retrieve her coffee.

“Yeah,” Tom smiled and squatted down near Janni, “everything is just fine. Let me just help get these to the table and we can go.” Tom started to gather the coloring books as Janni gathered up the loose crayons and took them to the kitchen table.

Janni scrambled up onto the chair and sat on her knees, pulling one of the coloring books closer. She opened it up and found the kitten picture she’d been coloring. Before she could reach for the crayon box, Tom held his arms out to her. “I’m going now. Give me hugs, little girl?”

Jumping up to her feet, Janni threw her arms around Tom’s neck, squeezing him hard. He grunted and squeezed her back. “There we go,” he kissed her temple. “Be good for grandma, okay? I’ll come see you when I get home.”

“Okay, Daddy.” Janni plopped back down to her knees. “I’ll find a picture to color for you, okay?” she told him, already searching through the pages for the perfect one.

“Sounds good, honey.” Tom squeezed her shoulder lightly and turned to Simone. “I won’t be very late.”

She nodded, her eyes holding his as if searching for something there, and Tom tried to reassure her with a smile. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Bill stood at the doorway of the kitchen and Tom gestured to him, “Ready?” Bill nodded and smiled but stopped Tom as they got to the door.

“You know, I don’t want to cause any problems. Are you sure you want to do this?” Bill leaned close to him, lips right next to Tom’s ear and warm breath ghosted over his skin, ruffling his fine hairs there. Tom’s belly swirled and goosebumps trickled down his back.

It took him a moment to be able to speak, but he blew a breath out and breathed in Bill‘s scent, all vanilla and spice and man. “Oh yes,” Tom tried not to groan, “I want to do this.”

Bill pulled back and smiled, “Good. Me, too.” He opened the door and as Tom walked through the door, he felt Bill’s hand, warm and strong on the small of his back.

Next

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 04:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mrs-e-cat.livejournal.com
*squee* New Chapter!!
Janni is just so adorable, she's just a bundle of cute <3
I love that Tom was so nervous and worried about which shirt to wear, and he chose a purple one, yay my fav colour =)
I loved Janni asking if Bill was a boy or a girl, and Bill's reply was so classic. Bill surrounded by colouring books is a vision that's going to keep me smiling all day *hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-27 08:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
And of course, Janni would just come right out and ask. He took it well; I was proud of him. xD

I'm thrilled that you liked it! Thank you. *hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 04:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fyredancer.livejournal.com
Ahh, what a lovely way to top off the evening. ♥ Glad to see another installment of this!

Tom getting flustered over his date was just wonderful. Janni asking Bill if he's a boy or a girl was priceless! And poor Simone... she coped with that nicely, but yeah, way to throw that at her, Tom!

The building anticipation in those last few lines is just delicious. And I loved that little detail of Bill's hand on Tom's back as they walked through the door. There's very much a sense of equality and masculinity between the two of them, very nicely developed.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-27 08:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
I'm excited that you're enjoying these characters, because they are absolutely lovely to write. And you know, I've received more comments about Bill's hand on Tom's back. I think it is one of my favorite visuals of the scene.

You're the first to mention the equality of their relationship, such as it is now, and I'm thrilled you picked up on it. Thank you so much. <333

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 05:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wordsrecited.livejournal.com
this chapter is absolutely breathtaking..wow. it's just too amazing for words. i really like how Janni kept throwing questions at Bill, it's adorable.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-27 08:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Wow, thank you! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 05:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sorion.livejournal.com
He opened the door and as Tom walked through the door, he felt Bill’s hand, warm and strong on the small of his back.

Bill is being a gentleman. I like it ^_~

And Tomi is fluttering with just a few words in his ears. Like that too *g*
(Also, Janni asking about Bill's gender is a cute little bonus *snickers*)

Lovely ♥
Edited Date: 2009-06-26 05:35 am (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-27 08:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Oh yes, Bill is ...I hate to say this, but I want him to be a real man in this story; not a girl with a dick like you see in so many others. He's off to a good start.

Haha, Tomi just thrilled and baffled by this sudden attraction. This is going to be so fun to write. :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-27 09:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sorion.livejournal.com
Why do you hate to say this? I love you for saying it!!! I hate girly male characters. If I wanted to read het, I'd read het ;-P

:D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 02:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Oh, just because it implies that I think he's not a real man. I see what you mean, though; he's too girly in too many fics. Though I know a lot of gay men who ARE quite girly, not all the damn time! XD

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 07:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sorion.livejournal.com
Bill can be quite "girly" at times, but he's such a bossy diva, he's definitely not submissive in any way ^_~ (And since I don't relate sexual positions to anything but sex, anyway, he can have that whichever way he wants it ;-P)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 06:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hollie136.livejournal.com
Tom is such a fun dad!! I loved the whole clean hands thing, I can so see Tom doing that with a kid. And Bill, colouring and answering hard questions and waiting patiently while Tom has "the talk" with his mom, then being the gentleman and giving him a way out of the date. Guh, just wonderful. Still loving it.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 04:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Tom and the clean hands thing is totally canon, though. I believe so, anyway; I keep hearing how OCD he is about cleanliness. :p

Thank you so much, sweetheart! It always thrills me that you enjoy this so much. <333

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 12:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] subtlemagic.livejournal.com
If I were a 5 year old again I'd totally be the little one going so are you a boy or girl or what?

Then I'd proceed to hug his knees (I was a little kid)

I'm loving Janni's personality so much at the moment.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 04:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Haha! You're just cute. Thank you so much, love <333

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 12:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] levity99.livejournal.com
This chapter blew me away....don´t even know where to start........and bill being so sweet saying to Tom that he doesn´t wanna cause any trouble....you´re killing me here....sighs....poor simone..... .....Tom didn´t win any awards exactly with his way of coming out......I hope this is going to be long one....*crosses fingers* more sooon please

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 04:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! That you liked it that much means a lot to me.^^

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 01:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] itzerikaaa.livejournal.com
Your updates excite me so much. Is it next Friday yet? Tom has to be the cutest father ever. Janni already likes Bill so much that it probably won't be too hard to explain to her that he's daddy's "special" friend lol [at least I hope not] I will have the image of Bill coloring in my head all day<3 I love that it was Bill guiding Tom out of the door and not the only way around ;)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 04:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
I love that you enjoy the story so much. I'm always excited for you to read the next chapter. Thank you so much for reading and for the lovely comments! <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 11:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] itzerikaaa.livejournal.com
you've honestly knocked a few people off of my favorite authors list because they simply don't compare to you. you always manage to put in the perfect touches. Bill establishing his masculinity by guiding Tom out the door? Frickin genius [even if it was unintentional]

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-29 12:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Aw, I'm very flattered and I think you've managed to make me blush! lol Thank you so much, honey. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 02:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] song-2-sing.livejournal.com
I love love love daddy!Tomi. And Bill is such a gentleman. And yeah everything about this chapter was pure love <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 04:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Aw, thank you so much, honey! <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 04:24 pm (UTC)
evvva: (Twins)
From: [personal profile] evvva
Janni is such a lovely kid and Tom is a great daddy.

I loved how Bill was so sweet to both Janni and then Tom, he's like the perfect man.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 04:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
I'm glad you're enjoying their dynamic so far. Thank you so much for reading and for the lovely comment! <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-26 11:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-blue-peach.livejournal.com
That was a pretty bad way to tell his mom he was Bi. He shouldn't have said 'date'...you never telll your parents! Rule 1). Ok but enough nonsence..I think that may come back to him... ooooh...good fic...

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 05:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Aw, well he didn't know. He's totally new, remember? It's all learning as he goes along. Thank you so much! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-27 05:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cruisecontrolx.livejournal.com
Awww, Bill is such a gentleman. And Tom, oh. Daddy!Tom is super adorable. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 05:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Thank you! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-27 07:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chayenne7.livejournal.com
I simply LOOOOOVE they way Tom interacts with his little girl.
Somehow that's exactly how I imagine him with his real daughter ( in the future of course). Tom has this hidden gentle streak, and I just know he is a big softy, with a big softy heart :) Keep going, I can't wait to read more!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-06-28 05:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
And that's exactly how I see Tom, as well. I'm sure he'd be a really great father irl.

Thank you so much for reading, and for such lovely feedback. I so appreciate it! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-07-05 04:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cristy22.livejournal.com
Janni is so sweet. I love how she got Bill to color with her as soon as he showed up. I laughed when she asked Bill if he was a girl or a boy. Too funny, but kids always as whatever they are thinking at the moment. He handled it so well too.

I couldn't believe that Tom waited to tell him mom he was dating a guy as Bill showed up. I mean I understand how hard it is for him, but he's lucky Simone handled it so well. I hope she does accept him once they do really talk.

I can't wait to go read about the date. I really love that Bill still takes Tom's breath away when he sees him. He has it so bad for Bill. Too adorable.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-07-05 04:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Oh wonderful! I'm so glad there were so many things about this chapter you liked, because I really enjoyed writing it. I hope you'll like the date, now! :D

Thank you so much for the wonderful comment! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-16 02:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] di-glossia.livejournal.com
"Are you a boy or a girl? Bill is a funny name for a girl."- Right. I totally believe Janni would be that polite. Kurt woulda been like "why do you look like a girl? Boys don't dress like that. Why are you wearing makeup? Only girls wear makeup. Are you really a girl?" all in a snotty little voice with such a big frown on his face you'd think he was a Klingon. ;>

But this line: “God, I don’t know, Tom. How about, when did you become gay?” was dead on. *groans* That's every bi's worst fear: they're parents suddenly analyzing ever relationship they've ever had to find out when they 'turned gay'.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-16 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Eh, all kids are different. My kids wouldn't have asked at all. They know it's impolite and they would have poked at me until they could get me away and whisper the question in my ear.

I wasn't worried about my parents doing that, I guess. Then again, I came out to them during an argument in which my father was making fun of gay people, so I wasn't really thinking. ;)

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