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Title: Sag Mir Wann
Author: [livejournal.com profile] steinsgrrl
Fandom: Tokio Hotel
Pairing: Tom/Jost
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I in no way intend to insinuate that any of the below actually happened. It is simply a piece of written entertainment based on the public personas of real people.
Rating: PG
Summary: "I promise, I'll tell him today."
Author's Note: Just a sappy, angsty little thing for [livejournal.com profile] latum. Happy Birthday, sweetie.


Tom held his breath as a soft palm smoothed over his belly and up his side, the man behind him caressing him and muttering in his sleep. Tom caught the hand when it reached his chest and pulled it close to his heart, holding it flat against his flushed skin.

How would he tell his brother? How could he ever explain it? The question plagued him and robbed him of sleep, unlike his lover, who even in his dreams pulled Tom against him, kissing his shoulder and nuzzling his nose into the braids at the back of Tom’s neck.

There was nothing he could do about this. He’d tried so hard, tried to resist what he felt, but the more his head rejected the idea of this love, the more his heart screamed out to be heard. And when Tom had professed not to believe in love, only to find it so close to him all along, there was no way he could deny it.

He would have to tell his brother and his brother would have to understand. Tom couldn’t live with anything less.

Tom lifted the hand he held to his chest and kissed each finger softly before dotting a kiss on the man’s palm. He moved then, turning in his lover’s arms until he was face to face with him. His body ached in ways and places it had never ached before, but he smiled at each twinge of his muscles; the memory of what caused the ache made his belly clench and a soft ember of need to glow within him.

David’s face was beautiful, clear of all worry and tension, and a small smile played on his lips. They were plush, swollen by their loving, and Tom wanted to kiss them. To kiss him.

He leaned in and brushed David’s lips with his own, just whispering over them, and breathed in. David smelled like espresso and the oranges they’d had with dessert, and he still smelled a little like Tom. Tom smiled and kissed his lover again, licking at his lips and chanting his name under his breath.

David opened his eyes, blinking slowly, and opened up to let Tom in. Their kiss was short and deep and left them breathless. Soon Tom pulled back, leaving several little kisses behind, and looked his lover in the eyes.

“You know you have to go now.” It broke Tom’s heart to tell David this every night. Not just for himself, but for the hurt that came to David’s face then.

“I know.” David kissed him again, slowly, lovingly, and it felt so real and so right and so good that Tom wanted to let him stay. He almost let him stay. But David pulled away and rose from the bed.

“I promise, I’ll tell him today. I really will.” Tom sat up, the sheet pooling at his waist. He wiped hard at his cheeks with the heel of his palm.

“I‘m sure you‘ll tell him this time.” David’s voice was flat and he pulled on his pants and fastened them.

“You know I love you, David.” He couldn't seem to be able to look up from his lap, but from the corner of his eye, he could see David walking around collecting his clothes. The more time it took for David to go, the more it hurt both of them, and the more Tom wanted to stop him. Tell him to stay, tell him to hell with whatever happens from this, because Tom needed David to be with him.

David stopped at the side of the bed, fully dressed and slid his key card into his back pocket.

“I know.” David bent down to Tom and kissed him again; just a quick press of warm lips that left Tom wanting more. He always wanted more.

And then he was gone. David had gone back to his room, and Tom was left there, in the mess they’d made of the bed, in the mess he’d made of his heart.

He sighed and fell on his back and stared at the ceiling, his chest aching and his body sore.

Today he would tell Bill.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 01:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] remy-jen.livejournal.com
Aww, this was really sweet and well done! I love tender, affectionate stories like this, and even though I never in a million years would have thought up Jost/Tom, I enjoyed it a lot. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 01:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Whew! I'm happy you did, because I was nervous. (Well, as I said. lol) It was pure brain dump, and I thought maybe too romance novel! lol Thank you <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 02:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mieka-writes.livejournal.com
*wibbles* be better tell Bill.. oh that was so sweet...

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 03:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Aw, thanks honey! <333

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 04:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] di-glossia.livejournal.com
Bittersweet and so real. Very nicely done.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 04:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Thank you! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 05:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ma-chelle.livejournal.com
You did such a great job with this, sweetie. I don't like anyone with Jost but I was curious how you would write this! ;)

At first, I was uncomfortable but by the end, my heart was breaking for Tom, wondering if he really would find the courage to tell Bill. It was very tender and real. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 05:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Aw thanks, love. It pretty much wrote itself, I think, because I opened a doc and started writing and didn't stop until there was this. Which took about twenty minutes. lol

I'm really glad you liked it in the end, even if it made you uncomfortable in the beginning. I'm not sure I'll ever do it again, but I'm glad I tried it once.

<333

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 06:20 am (UTC)
evvva: (Default)
From: [personal profile] evvva
The end was just heartbreaking. I really hope he gets up the courage to tell Bill.

<3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 06:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Thank you. <333

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 02:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sheerac50.livejournal.com
Can I just second what Jen said because that it exactly how I felt. Loved it! <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 09:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Aw, thank you, love! <333

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 02:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] latum.livejournal.com
OMG!
You're so kind!
I've just received your PM (yesterday I went out for dinner and something like that, so I didn't have time to check the e-mail) and I'm... aaaawww!
That's incredible, a birthday-tost *___*
Ok, I really loved it.
Tom is so cute and the problem of "telling Bill the truth" is perfect... So close to the image and the problems related to this pairing: Tom has to tell Bill about David, but it's difficult and he's not so brave. He'd rather aovoid to tell his brother the truth, but he needs David. He needs him more day after day and to have him he has to tell Bill about his lover.
David is... cute, is the only thing I could say about him <3
I really love how he trust Tom, telling him that this time he's sure that Tom will talk to Bill!
It's great!
It's so difficult to read some Tost-fic and one written for me is... Well, amazing!
Thank you so much, I really loved it... It's perfect!
Thanks for this amazing present <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-09 09:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
I can't even tell you how happy I am that this sounded right and that you liked it! I tried to read a few Tom/Jost just to get the right mood, but I'm sure you know that there aren't many in which Jost is a good guy. So I had to wait for this one to come. Just in time! :D

You do so much for me, and I think you're just amazing. To make you smile with a little Tost is the least I can do.

You're so very welcome, and thank you for your kindness and your lovely words. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-10 07:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sagittariusgirl.livejournal.com
aww, poor Tom, heck, poor the both of them. Im sure its hard on them both in each their own way.

come on Tom, buck up and tell your brother, he'll love you still no matter what!!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-10 07:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Aw, we know he would, but Tom's a bit of a worrier. And he doesn't want Bill to think bad of him. Poor Jost for hanging on and hoping that Tom will get up the nerve to let their love be out in the open, at least among the band and crew.

<3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-05 02:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mrs-e-cat.livejournal.com
This is lovely, sad but lovely =) Tom should just tell Bill, he probably knows already anyhow <33

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-06 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Oh my gosh, you even read Tom/Jost. The pairing doesn't bother you, then? Most of my friends flipped when I told them what I wrote. lol

I'm very pleased you liked it! Thank you. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-31 06:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annalas.livejournal.com
This is so cute! <3 I love how very clean-cut it is, too (is that the right word?). A lot of people tend to use sex as a way to show emotion and the depth of a relationship, but you managed to show us that with only a small scene. Brava!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-31 06:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steinsgrrl.livejournal.com
Wow, now that is a huge compliment! That's exactly what I hoped for. Thank you! <3

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